


Connect

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Final Haikyu Quest, Canon Universe, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Light Angst, M/M, Reincarnation, Spoilers, Time Loop, unreality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-25
Updated: 2015-06-25
Packaged: 2018-04-06 02:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4203792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Through the stretches of time expanding in multiple directions at once, Iwaizumi is lost. Each path results in disaster, but Iwaizumi can't help trying to reach toward an end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Connect

Iwaizumi used to know Oikawa. He isn't conscious of the actual memories, but he is aware of the emotional timbre in their echoes, of a nostalgic pang he experiences when he thinks of Oikawa's name. In a past time, Iwaizumi was Oikawa's knight and childhood friend. Not  _the_ past,  _a_ past, one of the arcs of time Iwaizumi thinks he actually lived in, but his temporal orientation is warped from traveling so much. Iwaizumi feels a bizarre twist in his sense of balance, but he can't tell which way it's affected, if it's through space or time, if it's the chronology in his mind or the sequence of steps he takes on the floor. 

One Oikawa, he knew, is a king. Or a prince. One of them. Oikawa grew up in a castle, and Iwaizumi grew up alongside him, taking up a sword to accompany Oikawa safely and escort him where an ordinary villager couldn't. One Oikawa is a demon, still a prince, a little selfish--just a little, but Iwaizumi is sure that there's a personal bias confounding that thought. There are several instances of Oikawa where he is a definite demon, eyes red or black, magic varying in strength and malevolence. Oikawa might have lorded that over Iwaizumi once, clucked his tongue and bent his head over Iwaizumi with quiet intent. Iwaizumi didn't feel fear then, and he didn't now either, but there was something else sitting in his throat at the sight of Oikawa at his full height above him. 

In every iteration Iwaizumi knows, he can never read Oikawa's purpose, the thoughts behind the flick of the wrist leading an army, the snap of fingers sparking a magicked fire, or the flint of emotion burning in his eyes. Oikawa seems all-knowing, but there is a barricade to that knowledge. Oikawa is both open to Iwaizumi and closed, receptive to Iwaizumi's companionship but distant and secretive when it comes to royal affairs. Usefulness wasn't a qualifying factor in including Iwaizumi, until it was, until Iwaizumi became just a knight in one  reality, impossibly far even though he can feel Oikawa right next to him through the veil of another place.

There is a whirlwind of experiences in Iwaizumi, and he is embodied in so many existences of time that he can't pinpoint what went wrong in any expanse of memory, he can't understand what led to a revolution, or blood, or something worse than the strangled breath and puff of flickering light at the end of one existence. Or what left Iwaizumi like this, as if he is pulled in every direction imaginable, every ounce of attention fragmenting beyond useful power. The battle on one field blurs with the royal procession down the main road, a dragon's hoard coexists with a fireplace in the same cave, both of them very clear to Iwaizumi's eyes. This isn't the same omniscience of a demon, this is something he can't handle, like an overflowing goblet of wine. Iwaizumi can't look into a pool of water or mirror without seeing something that shouldn't be there, a broken reflection, as broken as the rips and tears around the continuation of Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi knows he's human, but Oikawa isn't always human. Oikawa is a blip on Iwaizumi's mind, an assortment of them stitching together in a way that shouldn't. Human Oikawa is gentle but careful, the demon a ball of emotion, but they're all similarly confident, a thread of familiar ease and skill connecting them. Iwaizumi feels a different strength from them, sometimes a gentle touch on the shoulder, and sometimes a rough shove in the chest, a flare of temper and something else inexplicable stoking the heart of Oikawa. Iwaizumi can see a change erode at Oikawa's being, something worse than time. Circumstance, maybe, the entrapment of duty and war, or the toll of magic on his essence, or something else entirely. In the way Iwaizumi feels constantly lost, Oikawa seems lost, too, but Oikawa feels like an outside force, almost unaware of the spinning fabric of existence connecting and separating them.

Oikawa isn't always human, but either way, he makes mistakes. He pushes Iwaizumi away at the drop of emotion, or he puts conquest and the kingdom above people. There are also mistakes that Iwaizumi likes, such as the blunder of surprisingly inexperienced lips on his, the seclusion of themselves in whatever small space they can find, or the traitorous twitch of a smile in Oikawa's face in a timeline where Iwaizumi knows they aren't together. There are desires that Iwaizumi has that frightens himself, desires for the kind of mistakes he shouldn't like, such as the press of Oikawa on his chest and below, especially when Oikawa is a demon. That makes Iwaizumi shudder, but in a pleasant way, the awareness and acceptance of a demon staring him down, eyes flashing and lingering with a territorial mark.

Iwaizumi has to admire the execution of events the universe leads him down through. He doesn't revert to a previous time, he just keeps going, even if it doesn't make any sense. He can't change the path he takes, but at least his age and Oikawa's coincide, at least Oikawa is a steady constant, nuanced with the fluctuations of separate Oikawas converging around the space that is one singular Oikawa. Iwaizumi doesn't know if he can say he  _knows_ Oikawa, but at the same time, he might be the one who knows Oikawa best, since he's seen every possible angle of Oikawa that can exist. Still, Iwaizumi can't understand what spurs the discrepancies and events, Iwaizumi can't pinpoint what makes it impossible for him to be completely in Oikawa's presence, or vice versa. They might be the instigators of actions in their individual permanences, but Iwaizumi can't figure out why they connect and make him one physical being entangled in the occurrences of countless lives. 

Sometimes Oikawa dies. Iwaizumi can't protect him, and sometimes Oikawa tells him not to. By now, Iwaizumi can barely hold together his own sense of self, buried somewhere in the unimaginable pile of memories that make it impossible to identify himself. None of Oikawa's lives end well, and Iwaizumi has to witness them all. After several of them, Iwaizumi thinks he can stop the cascade of the others, but the separation of existences isn't in the same timeline, he can't see the future, and the knowledge of what happens in one reality is useless for the others. If all of them were derived from the same point in time, then Iwaizumi might have been able to, but Oikawa is only sometimes a human, and the web of scenarios isn't a real life map of "what-ifs" to guide him. Iwaizumi can do nothing but watch as Oikawa is taken by his own mistakes, irreparably lost despite Iwaizumi's interference. People rebel, dragons and gryphons attack, and Oikawa becomes inflicted by the thorns of his own shadows.

Oikawa dies, and sometimes, it's Iwaizumi's fault. 

 

* * *

 

Iwaizumi used to know Oikawa, he thinks. It sounds ridiculous, but his eyes fit to Oikawa's movements in a way that tells him it's a familiar person. Not just the familiarity from growing up together, but even now, the two of them in high school, Iwaizumi is filled with the weight of memories he doesn't know the contents of, just the ring of value to them. It feels heavy and impossible, but it's there. The sensation of closeness seems to resonate with it, and Iwaizumi swears that he imagines it, but he can't deny how strongly he feels about Oikawa. Oikawa is a steadfast anchor that grounds him, holds Iwaizumi in place when he experiences a tremor of shock from a past he doesn't recognize. And in return, Iwaizumi wields the sword of a wisdom he doesn't think he should possess, helping Oikawa overcome his jealousy and fears, reassuring him that Iwaizumi's here now, as if there was a time when Iwaizumi wasn't. Iwaizumi is on his team, and there are 6 people on a team, not just one. 

Oikawa holds his shoulders when they lose their final match of their high school career to Karasuno, promises to buy him ramen and guides him out of the sports gym. Oikawa tilts his head and leans against him on a bench, and Iwaizumi is contented by just this, his presence and voice, even though it's always been there. 


End file.
